Last night, I decided to write, “let it out” as I used to do.
Jess asked me what was wrong, so I passed her the computer. I didn’t really think much of it…since I had released a bit of my pent up…stuff.
When I came back into the room, she was sobbing.
We haven’t talked about it yet. I’m not sure if we will. I’ve realized that I am truly keeping too much inside. I have friends, but I don’t often want to bother them with the mudane issues in my life. I hold it in. Even when I wrote last night, I felt like I was talking tooo much about sad stuff, and throwing myself a pity-party.
I think that somewhere along the line…I’ve sewn up my emotions and now any sort of seepage equals weakness. I’ve been so wrapped up in CafeMom…and all the trials and tribulations of that. I found a distraction, but it isn’t actually getting me anywhere.
Jess bought me that camera…and I sat on it for 2 months.
Well…no more. I will no longer be sitting around, doing nothing productive except tuning into someone else’s drama.
I will be shooting. I will be taking photography classes. I will be WRITING. I will be cleaning, painting, playing, organizing, planning the wedding, and living my life. No longer will I sit around…playing in to someone else’s “stuff” when I’m not even working on my own.
I need to work on myself. Challenge myself. All of the ridiculousness…is just that.
So there it is…I’m taking it down.
I have to. I wasn’t going to, but I’ve realized that the last 2 days I’ve lived to Blip. Finding “the shot” has consumed me. I took over 400 pictures on Friday. 400 pictures in less than 4 hours. And I was HAPPY. Happy, and I could have done much more.
I hate my camera strap, but even the neck irritation wasn’t stopping me.
*sigh* Here’s the final question…
Do I tell them I’m leaving, or just bounce and let that be that?
