I am overwhelmed. Between planning the wedding, looking for houses, minding the nieces, dealing with Deylan SO being 3, and all of the other stuff that clouds my life…I don’t even know which end is up.
I am desperately behind on things. (going to go pay some pills…before I forget. again.)
Okay…I’m back.
Bills. I think I hate them.
I paid them though, so I guess that’s good.
This last week has been hellish. I’m realizing that I really need to figure out what will work in my life. I write, I shoot, I mother, I clean. Repeat, repeat, repeat. In any given order.
Motherhood has changed me in a very profound way. I am no longer as detached. I feel my way through the world much more than I ever did before.
I don’t know what my point is, really.
All I know for sure is that this last week has really been a test. I absolutely believe in G-d…and know that whatever “It” is, there is a good to this catalyst. I know it, I feel it, And So It Is.
Now, if I could just stay in that. I get home, and I feel stressed. I lay down at night, and I feel stressed. My brain starts swimming like some relax-challenged hamster in a super-wheel, and before I know it, I am looking at the clock at 4:32 a.m.
It’s always in the “4’s”. Ever since my dad got sick. You’d think I would have worked on that with the psychic, but no. Every morning…sometime between 4 and 5 a.m., I wake up, roll over, and look at the clock. Then it takes me time to fall back asleep.
This is all disjointed. But I have to keep writing. I just have to.
Oh, the Prunedale house. YUCK! But, the most blissful thing about it was that you couldn’t hear ANYTHING except the echo of our own voices. No freeway.
The Lean Ave. house was ridiculous. Jess loved it, but I felt like it was cheap and cheesy. The knobs in the kitchen were those porcelain circles with roses “painted” in the center. I was appalled at the size of the “bedroom” downstairs. Even with bunk beds, we couldn’t fit two boys in there.
The Kehoe place was the best. It’s expensive, but the backyard is gorgeous and has a pre-built area for D’s play structure. Oh, and two living rooms that are separated by doors that would allow for a second television viewing space that would be uninterrupted.
Tomorrow, we see the Los Gatos place. I’m hopeful about this one, as it is the least expensive. However, I’m giving it up to the Universe. We will be where we are supposed to be. All together, and able to afford it as easily as we can. Yes, it will be stressful, but we’ll get through it.
*sigh* It’s now almost midnight. I did get some sleep last night, thanks to my trusty meditation on my iPod. I don’t know why I like that one. I can’t stand the rest of her meditations, but the Sleep one is amazing. Every time I listen, I fall asleep before it’s over. (In the event that there are any insomniacs reading this, her name is Stin, and I got it free on iTunes)
OH! And, to top it all off…for some weird reason my camera said that my image was taken yesterday, instead of today, and therefor Blip wouldn’t let me post. I’ve never had an issue with that, and don’t know what is wrong, but hell…I need it figured out with the quickness.
Any D40 users out there who have nothing other to do with their time but help a newbie??
