Have you ever felt something pulling at you? Like, a dog at your ankle, or a child at your hand? Have you ever felt something pulling at your soul?
I do.
All my life I have felt the pull of G-d. It has varied, but for the last 12 years I have felt so called to Judaism. I found out about 10 years ago that my great-grandmother was Jewish and had converted to Catholicism when she met my great-grandfather.
I struggle with it. I don’t know why…
I have always believed in G-d. But, my relationship with G-d is intensely personal. It is mine, and while I feel so called and pulled toward Judaism, I’m afraid that I will not be able to be “right”. I struggle with any sort of organized anything, and truth be told, could probably find something wrong with water if given time to think. There are so many things I believe in, even with much research, and a few that I simply cannot get around, no matter what I do.
So, that leaves me feeling…rather empty about it all. I mean, I don’t go to Temple because I’m afraid of not fitting in. I am deathly afraid…and I don’t know what that is about. But, I feel so called that I have to. And it’s so strange because it doesn’t override my other beliefs for me. “Magic”…the Earth, the Stars.
My mom always says that your blood speaks to you. I know that mine does, but it speaks too many languages. So many languages…
